Friday, February 14, 2014

It doesn't matter if you look like a zombie, I promise.

I'm going to get all sentimental. I blame it on the fact that I'm excitedly waiting to devour some chocolate-covered strawberries. It's healthy, right? It's fruit. Covered in chocolate. Pretty sure chocolate is supposed to be good for you. Granted, that might only be dark chocolate, but that's totally semantics at this point. It's healthy, dammit.  Healthy.

But onto the point I wanted to make today.

I remember being in the hospital, having just given birth.  I was bloated and all sorts of fat and swollen from the massive amounts of IV fluids forced into my body.  I was ugly.  I am pretty sure I hadn't brushed my hair in like 5 years.  I probably stank.  My freckles stood out against my pale, lost-way-too-much-blood-and-am-probably-dying face and made me look like some creepy thing that probably should live in a sewer.  Or the deepest, darkest parts of a forest.  Or shouldn't be alive at all.  I looked, frankly, like hell.

Obviously, I didn't really want to take pictures.  I kind of wanted to... Kind of.  I knew I wanted to have some pictures.  But they were so not something I cared about, either, because ew.  I looked like shit.  It was awful.  I hated myself.  All those cute pictures of the baby, tainted with my ugly post-delivery mug?  No, thank you.  And the idea of showering and putting on make-up and being presentable?  I had more important things to do.  Like wonder if I was ever going to poop without pain again.  Or if I would ever be able to walk to the bathroom without assistance again.  Or, hell, if I could even get out of the hospital bed in the first place.  Or try to remember to eat while writing down things like feedings and dirty and wet diapers.  I was way too busy for pictures.

But, 2 years later, I look back at the few I have... and my first thought is, I wish I had more pictures of myself and the baby in the hospital.  Those first, precious few days.  Those first moments.  That new-baby euphoria.  I lost the few pictures I did have of myself because I lost my camera when my baby was 2 weeks old.  I'm not sure how I did it, but I did.  I'll never get those pictures back.  I have just a handful on my husband's camera.  I remember giving him the stink-eye and not wanting those pictures taken, because I looked so awful.  Thank God he took them anyway.

Take the pictures.

Smile gracefully.

Enjoy the moment.

You aren't going to look back at the pictures and think about how fat you are.  Maybe you will, I don't know... but I don't.  I look back and think, "Wow.  I remember that."  It gives me such a rush of warm and fuzzy feelings.  I look at that tiny little body in these pictures and think, He's so big now.  I don't remember him being that small.  I think that I look pretty damn happy, actually.  I tear up a little at the precious moments.

And I'm thinking of this tonight, and writing this, because I had the opportunity to go to the hospital and visit a friend whose baby is in the NICU.  This friend of mine had messy hair carelessly placed in a bun.  She was wearing a shirt with milk stains all over it.  She had no make-up on.  She was, basically, a hot mess.  And she didn't care, because all her focus was on her precious baby!  She let me take some pictures, and she said, "I'm sure I'm going to look like crap, but I know I'll look back and love having them."  I said, "Yes, you will."  She's had two kids before.  They are ten and eight now, and she still looks at the few pictures she has of those early days.  They are precious memories for her.

So, I snapped a few pictures.  And they're beautiful.  She is beautiful.  Her baby boy is beautiful.  These pictures aren't special.  They aren't some form of amazing art.  They aren't creative like those of a professional photographer.  They're just snapshots of small moments in one hectic, crazy day.  And they're precious.



It doesn't matter if you spend the money on a professional photographer, invite a friend to take your pictures, or have your husband or mom take them.  Just let them be taken.  Keep them.  Don't delete them because you look awful or you hate the look on your face.  Trust me... When you look back on these pictures, you won't be looking at you.  You'll be looking at that amazing little human who has grown up way, way, way too fast.

2 comments:

Veronica Lee said...

How true! I wish I had taken more pics when I was younger!
Hi! Stopping by from Mom Bloggers Club. Great blog!
Have a nice day!

Amanda S said...

When my son was in the NICU, one day we realized we didn't have many pictures of us with him. When we went that day, we took the camera and got a lot. One of the nurses took pictures of us giving him a tub bath for the first time. And, like your friend, I knew I looked like crap, but also knew I wouldn't regret them. And I treasure them.

Your friend looks beautiful. Hope she and her adorable squish are doing well!

Post a Comment

 
;