Pregnancy is so not a social event.

Now, bear with me.

I know there are hordes and masses out there ready to scream about their right to rub the bellies of pregnant women everywhere, but just stand still for a second and hear me out.

How many times have we heard how pregnancy turns us into short-tempered, illogically angry, protected-by-the-halo-of-hormones crazy people?  I can't even count.  I refuse to even pretend to try.

The hormones of early pregnancy drive us absolutely bonkers.  We're upset if you try to help us pick up the trash, because you're doing it wrong.  We're upset if you don't help us pick up trash around the house because why the hell are you so lazy.  We're upset if you eat the dinner we made and leave no seconds for us, because hello who is the pregnant one here?!  We're upset if you don't eat our food because I slaved for hours over that dinner.  I mean seriously, you just can't freaking win.

If a stranger looks at you with a knowing smile and asks, "How far along are you?", you want to tear their head off for implying you are fat.  Then again, you're pissed when nobody can tell you're pregnant because you're DAMN well PERFECTLY aware of how pregnant you are, and people need to know so they can give you a wide freaking berth and shut their traps.

And God forbid someone forgot to get the Skittles you asked for.  It's on, then.

Husbands have the worst of it, of course.  They have no idea that we lay there in bed, listening to them snore peacefully, and plot their demise.  They have no idea that we slowly go through all items within arm's length in our minds, trying to figure what item would hurt their special place the worst.  They have no idea how close they've come to being smothered with pillows.

Basically... pregnant women are scary.  My advice is this:  If you see a pregnant woman, do your best to casually stay out of her way.  I would say about 10 feet is the absolute closest you ever want to get to a pregnant woman.  Never make eye contact.  Don't speak to her.  Treat her like she has the plague, and you just might get out of the meeting unscathed.  But there's no guarantee, because she might decide you're being incredibly rude and cut you off at the knees anyway.

Who am I kidding?  There's no safe way to handle a pregnant woman.  Approach with caution.