Sunday, March 9, 2014

I hate you. I love you. OMG I'm awful. You know what? I still hate you.

Apparently, my husband is fascinated by my mood swings.  In his words, "You didn't have mood swings like this with our first."

I feel like I did.  I thought I did.  But maybe we have gone through the blissful pregnancy amnesia and just don't remember how bad it was... Or, I could just be going psychotic.  I mean, it can go either way, really.

Earlier today, my husband happened to get near me.  I didn't want him to be near me for some reason (the closer his proximity, the more annoyed I felt), so I turned into a mega ultra bitch for no reason, just to get him to take another few steps away from me.  He rolled his eyes.

Then he came by and tried to give me a kiss.  I was automatically annoyed because hello... Proximity.  No thank you.  Then he tickled my feet, probably because I was being childish.  I glared at him.  He tried to kiss me again and I eventually shrieked -- like a 4-year-old -- "LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOOOONE!"

I know.  I'm incredibly mature.

He stood in front of me with his hands on his hips, pretending to be upset.  "Honey, you know you're driving a wedge between us, don't you?  If you keep this up, how is our relationship going to make it?  What if we develop bad habits that we don't get over after the baby is born?"

Still irritated, I told him it was his fault for... well... irritating me.  He turned on the sarcasm.  "Oh, I'm sorry.  Is it so horrible for your spouse to kiss you?  I apologize.  I know I hate it when my spouse kisses me."

I started laughing.  I couldn't help it.  I was trying to stay angry because obviously it's his fault that I don't want him around me for no reason whatsoever, duh but I just couldn't do it.  I was laughing.  I held out my arms and he leaned down to give me a hug and said, "You know I'm kidding, right?  I'm not even remotely angry.  I know the baby's making you do it."

And then I started crying.  I mean, straight up bawling my eyes out.  He's still hugging me, and he starts laughing.  He thinks this shit is hilarious.  I'm sobbing.  My 2-year-old comes up and starts pushing his dad away, incredibly concerned about me.  "I'm so sorry, I'm awful, I'm sorry I'm such a bitch!" is all I'm saying, over and over, while my husband is cracking the fuck up over the whole situation.

I eventually calmed down and sweet husband went off to get me some Skittles from the gas station.

Then he told me that it is my duty to share my mood swing crazies with the internet, because (to quote him), this shit is hilarious.

And it kind of is.  Now that I'm over the moment, anyway.

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